You do not deserve the pain and you are not a homewrecker. HE’S the homewrecker. It wasn’t your home to wreck. HE made the choice to be unfaithful to his wife. That’s on him.

You fell for some lines. We all have. You got with an unavailable guy because YOU are emotionally unavailable, and guys you can’t have are super safe. I know because that’s the kind of guy I’ve attracted most of my life, and I’ve been very unemotionally available. It wasn’t until the guy I wrote this piece about that I realized how much I didn’t like myself, wasn’t happy with myself, or my life, the clothes I wore, the way I spent my time… I wasn’t living, I was existing. I wasn’t caring for myself, taking care of myself, putting my needs first. I was taught that was selfish. And that is not true.

My best advice to you is to follow all of these steps I wrote about. It’s not going to be easy, but it is necessary. We think if we keep in touch with them, let them see our social media and how happy we can appear to be without them, that it will make them jealous and want us back. And that is false. It has never worked. What DOES work is cutting them off in every capacity. It’s far more irritating to be ignored. Become unavailable. The only way they can miss you is if you give them something to miss, and if your life is still on display and you keep in touch with them they have no reason to.

You have to get mad. Look at this asshole and what he did to you. Look at the lies and deception, betraying his wife, leading you on, and how he doesn’t deserve to have you in his life or know anything about how fabulous you and your life are. Instead of trying to prove something to him, which can carry a desperate vibe, cut him off. Block him on social media, block his number and delete it, pack away anything he gave you, and don’t go where he’s at. You say you moved, so you might be in another city where you can’t see him. You aren’t forced to see him, unless you worked together. And then, I’d find another job.

YOU are in control of your life and your choices. Take your power back. You don’t need his permission, you don’t need HIM to do ANYTHING. YOU can walk away, YOU can block him, YOU can take your life back. Constantly checking his social media only drains you, keeps you empty, focused on the past, and focused on HIM. Fuck that guy. Take your life back.

Block his shit, go cry, and then take a long walk. Evaluate your life. Clean out your closet, rearrange your furniture, get that hair cut you’ve been wanting to try, buy clothes you’ve been eyeing, get a manicure, put all that energy you’ve been spending on him and channel it back into YOU. Read the books, see the movies, go to the comedy or rock shows, reconnect with friends, take up a new hobby, go on a trip, even if it’s just for the weekend or even for the day. Are you working the job you want? Living where you want? Are there dreams you’ve been putting off? Yoga, meditation, writing, creating art… it may sound cliche but that shit works, man. It helps you focus on yourself and get in touch with who you really are.

I wrote this piece about cutting my ex off. Don’t Be Friends With Your Ex on Social Media that details my experience with it. It might help motivate you. And seeing a therapist is also a great choice. I’ve been seeing mine for about a year now, and it has helped immensely, even if it’s been a slow and steady change, it has been a significant one. We all want to be able to just flip a light switch and have all the good change happen immediately. All the Top Five Things to Perfect Your Life Right Now articles in the world only make me feel like I’m a failure because true change doesn’t happen over night. There’s something in the core of you that feels like you’re not good enough, not worthy, and don’t deserve something good, loving treatment, honesty, commitment, and fidelity. That’s how I felt. And slowly but surely I am overcoming those childhood issues and reclaiming my life and attracting better, more wonderful and genuine people into my life. I trust myself more, I know myself more, and I’m strong than I’ve ever been. And I’m still working on it. I’ll always be working on it. I still have insecurities and fuck up now and then, only this time I don’t let it destroy me or define who I am. It’s a moment, I acknowledge it, and let it pass, as I refocus on myself. You can do it, too. :)

Written by

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever

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