Sex is Not a Prize
Sex isn’t a reward or a gift, either. It’s for you.
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Sex isn’t a prize you award someone for jumping through your hoops, as if giving it will secure the committed relationship you want from them.
Sex isn’t a reward for good behavior or a bargaining tool or something you give in exchange for your love.
Sex is for you.
You should have sex because it feels good and is fun. Period.
You should enjoy your body and that of another consenting adult because you both want to have a good time. It should be that simple. It IS that simple but we complicate it so much nonsense that only results in ridiculous pressure on ourselves.
Sex is not sacred. It CAN be, but sex is not inherently sacred.
Sorry.
It’s a biological impulse to create offspring. Just like food isn’t sacred, but CAN be. We need food to exist.
A wedding cake is sacred food. Communion. Ceremony and intention is what can make food sacred. A bologna sandwich is not sacred, but it gets the job done.
Wedding night sex can be sacred. Any sex that is a pure expression of love can be sacred. Sex doesn’t need to be sacred to be enjoyed. It doesn’t have to serve any purpose beyond pure enjoyment.
While we’re on the subject, no way in hell should sex be saved for the wedding night. Are you insane?
For some reason people want to pretend that sex isn’t a big deal and that it’s what a person is like and how they treat you that’s the only that’s important.
That you’re shallow if you want to *gasp* be attracted to and turned on by your partner. The horror!
WRONG
Sex is as important a facet of your relationship as any other. You should probably find out if you’re sexually compatible with your partner before you take vows to commit the rest of your life to them. Just a thought.
All this pressure people (women) put on themselves to make sure a guy has “earned” the sovereign blessing of her bestowing her rare and unique sex upon him is exhausting.
Your hoo-ha ain’t any more special than anyone else’s. #SorryNotSorry
The only thing you need to take into consideration when deciding to have sex is if you feel comfortable and want to.
That’s it. Nothing more.
“I have to hold out or he won’t respect me!”
Bullshit.
Grown men don’t equate when you have sex with them to how much you respect yourself.
You know all that game playing you say you hate? That’s what arbitrarily holding out is. It’s the same as a guy waiting three days to call instead of calling when he actually wants to.
Are there guys who will call you a whore because you slept with them on a first date, despite the fact they had sex on a first date, too?
Yep.
Guess what?
They’re not The One.
They’re not even Mr. Right Now. They’re Don’t Let the Door Hit You in Your Immature Ass on Your Way Out douchebags.
Bye. Next!
It’s far better to know when someone is an emotional invalid sooner rather than later.
You want to know what scares guys off when you have sex with them on a first date? You acting like a psycho afterwards. Becoming a clingy, needy, desperate hag who’s decided it means you’re in an exclusive relationship with them now.
You may think making sex a reward puts you in control, but it actually puts all the power in someone else’s hands. Now it’s a gift you gave away. No thanks.
Know what gives you all the power? Having sex when you want, with who you want, when you feel comfortable doing so.
I was 23 when I lost my virginity. I wanted to be in love. It took me five months after my boyfriend told me he loved me for me to fall in love with him and feel ready. And it was everything I could have ever wanted it to be.
Even though it happened on my terms, I felt a lot of pressure to adhere to those terms. I wanted that first time to MEAN something and not just be sex.
To want anything less, like fun and a good time, felt wrong and like I’d be a slutty/wore/bad person who doesn’t respect herself.
What a bunch of bullshit.
I offered my virginity to a musician friend of mine I was obsessed with simply to unload the thousand pound weight of making it such a goddamn big deal off my shoulders.
Are you an adult who’s walking around right now continuing to treat every sexual encounter you have like it’s the most sacred act you could engage in?
Christ almighty, knock that off.
Take back your power. You respect yourself by taking back ownership of your choices.
Have sex because it feels good. Have sex because it’s fun. Have sex because you want to. Stop treating it like a prize, reward or gift for anyone but you.
The euphoria of that freedom is better than sex. It makes sex better.
