I know, I didn’t want to pay for a service, either. It felt desperate. But I have many, many friends who met their spouses on eHarmony or Match or Chemistry. Anyone putting up money for a site has GOT to be looking for more than a hook-up. You’re more likely to meet men looking for an actual relationship there.

Tinder is a hook-up site, though I have friends who met their spouses there, too. You have to go into any dating situation knowing it’s going to take time and that most of the men you meet aren’t going to be The One. And that’s OK! You go on dates to learn about yourself and another person, have some drinks and some laughs. It’s a training ground, not a hunting ground.

You don’t want to date a guy who isn’t brave enough to ask you out. If a guy isn’t asking you out, there’s a reason. Either he’s married, taken, or not interested. Don’t waste your time pursuing men. Let THEM pursue YOU while YOU focus on living your best life, having fun, feeling good, and finding out who you are. In doing that you’ll attract the best partner, and people, into your life.

I always hated it when people told me if I stopped focusing on finding a guy I’d find one. But it’s true. That doesn’t mean stop putting yourself out there, just stop focusing on it and making it so important. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and it’s the one thing that stayed out of my reach. I wanted it too damn bad. Once I stopped wanting it so hard, and started focusing on feeling and looking good, pursuing goals, going out, feeling accomplished and fulfilled, all while still online dating, he walked into my life. It was that easy.

A watched pot doesn’t boil. Go out to events you enjoy because you enjoy them, not to find a guy. In doing the things you enjoy you’re more likely to find someone who shares similar interests. Sign up for eharmony or Chemistry or Match, and keep swiping on Tinder and OKCupid. Let men message YOU. Don’t bother with anyone else. Swipe away and sit back and respond to those who reach out to you. You’re the CEO and prospective candidates come to YOU. How easy is that? If someone’s a douche then you unmatch. Next! If someone isn’t asking you out then forget him. Next! The less you worry about and focus on it, the easier it’ll get and the quicker the time will pass before you’re suddenly dating a truly great guy. I promise. I’m proof!

Written by

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever nikimarinis@gmail.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store