First of all, that’s really negative self talk. “I got dumped.” My relationship ended a year ago today. No, it was not by my choice. But ultimately, I wasn’t very happy in our relationship either. I was just willing to compromise on far more than my ex was. So, really, kudos to him for not settling.
If Someone Breaks Up With You Their Reasons Don’t Matter
Here’s the only thing that does
He’s a good man. He’s a hardworking man. He’s a young man. (12 years younger than me.) He’s not the right man for me. And that’s OK. We’re at two very different places in our lives and we want different things from our lives.
How to Move Out When Your Relationship Ends
It’s never fun but you can make it easier on yourself.
The sting of the loss of the sweetness of the love we DID have will always be there, however small. Like my first boyfriend told me in the throes of our break-up, “Love doesn’t stop, it just slows down.”
So where am I a year later? I’m 30 lbs lighter, in my own little granny flat near the beach, and single as the day is long.
Moving Into Your Own Place is Surprisingly Depressing
Someone else was supposed to come and look at the unit. The landlord looked at the time on her phone and said with a…
I really thought moving to a bigger town was going to be my golden ticket to more dates, and I am sorely wrong about that. Apparently most guys on dating apps still consider me too far away. Aces.
I’m discovering my attitude toward dating isn’t much less shitty than it was before my relationship, so that isn’t helping my situation. If you think things are awful and there’s nothing but assholes out there, then you’re right. Because that’s all you’re going to see and all you’re going to attract. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Plus, no one wants to date someone with a shitty fucking attitude. Weird.
You Don’t Have to Love Yourself to Be in a Relationship
Do you want a partner or a status symbol?
Also, I’m realizing I’m not as all emotionally healed inside as I thought I was. Another, “Golly gee willikers, Niki, really?” moment for me. Still making a lot of rookie mistakes I thought I was long past. I’m not past them at all.
Because we are not computers you program once and then run perfectly. We are meat bags you have to exercise or the muscles get weak. We require maintenance. Thank God for muscle memory. I don’t have to start back at Ground Zero, I’m already 75% of the way there.
Hey, guess what? A relationship isn’t the cure to your unhappiness! A relationship isn’t the thing that’s going to make you feel all better! Instead of getting all needy, clingy and desperate for some dude to become your boyfriend and “save” you (he won’t) you need to fill your empty life.
You’re feeling needy, clingy and desperate because your life is empty and you let it GET empty by focusing on some dude or dude(s) thinking they were going to be the ultimate solution to your woes, the answer to all your dreams.
Negative, Ghostwriter. Another person is never the answer to your problems. Another person can never fill the empty void in your soul. Another person can never love you enough to replace the love you need to feel for yourself.
Because that’s what you’re doing. You’re trying to get the love you should be giving yourself from someone else. Everything we’re so desperately trying to get from outside ourselves, from someone else, is what we need to be giving ourselves. Isn’t it disappointing? And annoying?
Why can’t it just be the quick fix of being another person? Why can’t I just jump into another relationship and be done with it? Why can’t someone ELSE fix all of this for me? Fucking sucks ASS, doesn’t it?
If You Want Your Love Life to Change, You Have to Do Something Different
The best dating advice you’ll ever get
It’s frustrating as hell to have to do the work ourselves and fill our own damn cups and be self-fucking-sufficient before we can ever hope to actually give anything decent to anyone else.
AND so we can stop looking at other human being as a means to our own selfish ends of fulfilling OUR needs and the roles we’e dictated for them. ‘Cuz fuck THAT. Other people aren’t things to be acquired to serve us. People are people, Depeche Mode. We could all stand to be far more self-sufficient and treat each other with more compassion and respect and less like objects and pawns.
The work never stops, people. Not if you want to be in a healthy relationship. Not if you want to be your best self. And good God, do I want both. I really do. It’s hard work and it can be lonely work and that’s why most people say fuck it and give up and just get in some shit relationship and repeat their bullshit and keep breaking hearts, including their own.
Maybe I’ll be single forever because it’s just fucking impossible for me to settle. I want what I fucking want and that’s it. I also know I still have a lot of work to do, and at least I’m doing it. Hopefully there’s at least one guy out there who is, too, who I actually find attractive (it’s rare) and doesn’t feel I live too far away.