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How to Screw Up Your Relationship
Expert advice to guarantee success
I’m really good with relationships. That’s why I was single for 11 years.
You’re probably wondering how I accomplished this, so I put together a list of dating tips to ensure you find, and keep, the significant other of your dreams.
Go through each other’s phones
If possible, do this while they’re asleep beside you or right in the next room so you have the added risk of getting caught. It adds excitement and passion.
Dishonesty is the best policy
Lie whenever you can. Lie about small inconsequential things, first. This will throw them off.
Eventually get so good at lying that you move on to more extreme lies. “I didn’t drink all the coffee” will quickly turn into “The divorce is final!”
Constantly bring up the past
The more you can throw around that baggage, the better. Try to work a comment about an ex, yours or theirs, into at least one conversation daily.
Routinely remind them of the late birthday gift, the cancelled date, the time they stared at the server a little too long.
