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All of it.

I’m fucking done with everything. I’m OVER it. I’m over trying to be nice and sane and keeping the peace and staying calm and being reasonable and being the bigger person, by which I mean tolerating abuse. I’m not hiding what I feel or pretending shit is OK when it’s not anymore.

I’m not pretending shit is OK when it’s not anymore.

I’m not going to smile and get along anymore.

I used to be ME. I used to have a personality — a big fucking personality — and I have given in to the pressure to shut it down and be average and plain and acceptable. Even my weirdness has been “acceptably weird.” I’m fucking done trying to “fit in” in some kind of way. In ANY kind of way. Fuck your getting up at 6am and working out bullshit. Fuck your going to bed by 9:30 crap. Fuck your 9–5 and your steady paycheck and your security. Fuck your Basic Bitch mediocrity and lack of personality. Fuck your house, fuck your kids, fuck your rules for ME.

Here’s a picture of my fucking soul.

Fuck any opinion you have about the way I live my life, spend my time, spend my money, how I eat, where I live, whether or not I have children, whether or not I live up to YOUR standards for MY life. I will not dress the way you want, or act the way you want, or do what is “acceptable”. I will do ME in whoever and whatever way that ends up being. I will no longer hold back because YOU can’t handle it. Anyone who has ever known me would be shocked as shit to learn that I have felt this way, that I have felt held back and small and average and “normal”, or that I ever listened to a goddamn word anyone had to say against who and how I am. Fuck your shit.

This is my fucking shit. Deal with it. Or don’t. I don’t fucking care!

Maybe you should look at YOUR life and evaluate whether or not it’s something YOU actually wanted.

Did you WANT to buy that house? Or did you do it because you’re “supposed” to?

Did you WANT to get married?

Did you WANT to marry that person?

Did you WANT your job or career?

Did you WANT kids?

Or did you do ALL this shit because you felt you were supposed to? Because someone told you that you SHOULD. Because someone told you you didn’t have a CHOICE?

Do you LIKE running marathons or are you doing it because that’s what people in their late 30/early 40s DO?

Fuck you.

Figure out what the fuck you want to do and tell everyone else to eat a dick.

Have a whole bag!

How dare anyone tell you what’s best for you. ANYONE.

They’re telling you what was best for THEIR cowardly ass who wasn’t brave enough to follow THEIR dreams.

They don’t want to see you happy, doing what you’re actually good at and love, because it will make THEM feel bad about THEIR fucked up choices.

Fuck them.

Fuck ALL of them.

I don’t WANT to own a house, I don’t want the responsibility of children, I don’t want to go to bed, I don’t want to get up. I will not sell my soul for a job making someone else rich.

Did you want to be an administrative assistant when you were in high school?

I doubt it.

Did you study philosophy and theater in college to do payroll?

Doubt it.

But fuck, if you’re good at it and it makes you feel satisfied and accomplished, by God, do the FUCK out of that job. In all sincerity.

My point is to find what YOU want to do. Not anyone else.

And do the fuck out of it. Stop living other people’s version of your life.

Stop living the life you think you’re SUPPOSED to live.

Grow some goddamn balls and find your fucking passion and fucking live it.

Change your fucking shit.

Divorce that fucking asshole you never wanted to marry to begin with.

Start looking for a job you actually want, get it, and quit your bullshit.

Sell that shitty house, buy an RV and be a nomad.

Have 15 kids because you WANT to be a parent. Not because you accidentally got pregnant, not because you refuse to wear a condom or get a vasectomy.

Figure out what the fuck you want and then figure out how the fuck to make it happen. Stop fucking wasting your time. For fucking christ’s sake.

Stop living a life of chance and start CHOOSING.

Stop being a victim of circumstance.

If you don’t make a choice, life will make one FOR you, and it’s not going to be a Top 3 pick for you.

Stop being an immature fuckface and choose your goddamn life. Before it chooses FOR you.

He would do it. He’d have a Jack and Coke first, but he’d do it.

Niki Marinis is a comedian and Pop Culture Queen who lives by the biblical teachings in Crazy From the Heat. Follow her oh-so-sage wisdom and bullshit on Twitter and Instagram.

Written by

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever nikimarinis@gmail.com

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