As much as I say buck the norms and fuck the boundaries and don’t be afraid, or be afraid and do it anyway, I’M not doing any of that.
I say that hoping the things I love and want to express become accepted and mainstream and not risky. I keep hoping the more I say it the more it will come true. I AM hiding behind these words.
My boyfriend has been telling me for a while that I’m not the person I come across as in my writing. There I am, telling people to fuck it and Just Do It, and behind the screen I’m afraid of doing something wrong, don’t know what I want to do vs. what I should do, and can feel hellishly trapped.
My words are inspiration for myself as much as they are for anyone else. Again, it’s saying it until it becomes true. Or… fake it till you make it.
The fact I can’t always follow through with my own advice doesn’t make it any less correct or valuable. It just means I still have a lot to learn and ways to grow, too.
I’m an eternal cheerleader. If you have a thing you want to do, I am your biggest champion. I want to help you market and create social media platforms and cheer you on. My pieces are me cheering myself on. Being the cheer squad I need. And the responses I get are my reassurance that I’m on the right path.
Like anyone else, I have to reach my rock bottom of being fed up with whatever the hell is holding me back, even when it’s most likely myself. Sometimes you have to stare at that Magic Eye poster extra long to be able to see the schooner.
“You dumb bastard. It’s not a schooner, it’s a sailboat.” “A schooner IS a sailboat, stupid head.” “You know what? There’s no Easter bunny!”
I say fuck the norms and don’t be afraid of saying what you want to say in hopes that it will make what I want to say conventionally acceptable. Because risk is scary. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s poor little feelings.
Only, yes, I do.
I want to challenge your views and shake you up so you can see things differently because those are the kind of articles that woke ME up and changed MY life. The truth hurts.
I finally see the truth in my own advice. I can hear clearly the words I say to everyone else. It’s not, “No one is thinking about YOU (but they’re sure as shit thinking about me, so lucky you!)” No one is thinking about ME either.
NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT ME.
Except my boyfriend, and his ex who keeps stalking me online.
Even if I piss people off with my ideas, they’re still out there and shared and making people think. I don’t have to interact with or acknowledge comments if I don’t want to. I’m not necessarily looking for a conversation.
I want to tell you how it is, quite frankly. I know why your relationship track record sucks ass but you don’t want to hear the truth. You want to insist that the way YOU’RE doing it is right despite the fact it’s not working for you.
And I follow every last bit of relationship advice I dole out here which is WHY I finally landed an amazing boyfriend after 11 years of being single.
THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.
I have a lot more unconventional wisdom to unload. Fuck it if people don’t like or agree with it. I have to write from the heart. Doors are opening and all kinds of hot garbage is spewing out. Dumpster dive for the gems at your will.
So buckle up, kids. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. Are you adventurous enough to come with me into this hellscape paradise?
This fashionably late bloomer is ready to shine. All aboard!