Eating Makes Me Feel Good

Niki Marinis
5 min readMar 17, 2019
Katie Dutch — used with permission

I tried to be an alcoholic. Really tried. Alcohol tastes like crap when you’re drinking alone. Fail.

I can’t afford a drug addiction. Ha! I don’t buy drugs, I have huge boobs.

Honestly, if I was smart I would invest my time and improved energy in cocaine. I would get shit done, slim down, and save all that money I’ve been wasting on food. I’ll just do coke until I lose 40 lbs and then I’ll stop!


When you’re drowning in the misery of depression and anxiety tasty noms are a fantastic life saver. Ooohh, Life Savers!

I wasn’t consciously aware I was eating because it felt good. I felt legitimately hungry. At least my mouth did. Who has a huge sugar addiction? ME!

Sugar makes my mouth say MORE MORE MORE even if my stomach is going, “Nah, I’m good.”

Another reason I feel perpetually hungry? I’m dehydrated as hell. Why? Because water is dumb.

Katie Dutch — used with permission

I was raised on Kool Aid, Pepsi, and whole milk. I didn’t start drinking water until I went to Europe before college and couldn’t afford to drink anything else.

There’s water in Pepsi, right? And coffee? And Jameson on the rocks?

I used to love my body. I was thin, my clothes fit, and I felt comfortable. I haven’t felt that way in ten years.

I started eating my feelings when I realized it was the one thing I felt I had control over. What is this pit of despair and emptiness hollowed out inside me?

Is… is that my lack of self-worth and self-esteem? LOOK, A CUPCAKE!

Butter soaked white toast…

Swiss cheese…

Almond Roca…

Strawberry preserves…

Blueberry waffle…

Mexican Pizza and two Taco Supremes…

I’ve been trying the Keto diet. Yeah, yeah, I know. I watched my sister in law lose over 70 lbs on it, I know it works! But I keep failing at it.

Niki Marinis

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever