I tried to be an alcoholic. Really tried. Alcohol tastes like crap when you’re drinking alone. Fail.
I can’t afford a drug addiction. Ha! I don’t buy drugs, I have huge boobs.
Honestly, if I was smart I would invest my time and improved energy in cocaine. I would get shit done, slim down, and save all that money I’ve been wasting on food. I’ll just do coke until I lose 40 lbs and then I’ll stop!
THIS CAN’T GO WRONG!
When you’re drowning in the misery of depression and anxiety tasty noms are a fantastic life saver. Ooohh, Life Savers!
I wasn’t consciously aware I was eating because it felt good. I felt legitimately hungry. At least my mouth did. Who has a huge sugar addiction? ME!
Sugar makes my mouth say MORE MORE MORE even if my stomach is going, “Nah, I’m good.”
Another reason I feel perpetually hungry? I’m dehydrated as hell. Why? Because water is dumb.
I was raised on Kool Aid, Pepsi, and whole milk. I didn’t start drinking water until I went to Europe before college and couldn’t afford to drink anything else.
There’s water in Pepsi, right? And coffee? And Jameson on the rocks?
I used to love my body. I was thin, my clothes fit, and I felt comfortable. I haven’t felt that way in ten years.
I started eating my feelings when I realized it was the one thing I felt I had control over. What is this pit of despair and emptiness hollowed out inside me?
Is… is that my lack of self-worth and self-esteem? LOOK, A CUPCAKE!
Butter soaked white toast…
Mexican Pizza and two Taco Supremes…
I’ve been trying the Keto diet. Yeah, yeah, I know. I watched my sister in law lose over 70 lbs on it, I know it works! But I keep failing at it.