I see friends start bitching about being alone forever after being single for about a week. You know, the ones who simply can NOT be alone for any length of time, and ignore that you’ve been single for six months, a year, or a hell of a lot longer.
They groan about having to try that disgusting “online dating” thing only absolute pathetic losers do that they’ve never had to try because they meet people in “the real world”, aka their friends gang-banger drug dealer buddies fresh out on bail.
By week two they’re suddenly veteran online dating experts extolling the virtues of the quality gang-banging drug dealers they met THERE.
By week three they’re now in a serious, committed relationship with the one gang-banging drug dealer who has a car.
And by week four they are LIVING with the mobile gang-banging drug dealer and his four roommates in their one-bedroom apartment.
“Niki, you’re just too picky! If you’d just ask guys out and do all the work then you could have a guy who would gladly take everything you gave him while he pursues a woman he REALLY wants to be with!” #feminism
WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!
Oh yeah, OKCupid, Tinder, Match, Craig’s List, LinkedIn, Starbucks Rewards…
Online dating sites should have a frequent daters card.
“Go on ten dates and get a free STD screening!”
It might motivate the people you meet who are apparently only looking for pen-pals.
“Let’s just message forever and never actually meet in person because I’m not ready for that kind of commitment and you might be a serial killer. Dating is fun!”
In The Before Time, in The Long, Long Ago, when you could still meet up with people In Real Life, I liked to arrange dates at the local tiki bar so I could cross more drinks off my Mai Tai drink passport. That’s MY frequent dating card. The hangovers are free!