Cupid Tinder Match: Follow the Bouncing Ball

Reporting live from the murder scene of your dating hopes and dreams

Niki Marinis


Author’s artwork

Oh man! I found a folder of old drafts of my online dating story ridiculousness from before Covid times! Because the Good Lord knows I don’t fuck with online dating anymore. So please enjoy this backlog from The Before Time, in the Long Long Ago.

Guy on Tinder: His profile says he just got out of a ten year relationship. His second profile pic is with a girl. And he’s actually really good looking. And I don’t find any of these guys attractive. I mean, any of them.

Guy: Omg I think you’re gorgeous

Me: Why thank you! You’re so sweet.

Guy: …and I really like what you said in your profile

Me: Thanks for actually reading it.

Guy: You really seem like my type and fun too! I’d like to meet at my favorite murder site. Lol have you ever been to the Garage on the east end?

Me: Haha! I have. I know a musician or two in this town who’ve played there. Are they open?

Guy: I think they’re open on certain days and have limits on how late but yeah

Me: I’m down to hit them back up.

Guy: Welp, bars are closed again… now what?

Did you suddenly forget how to do this?

Me: You tell me

Guy: Hmmm I’m sure there’s other things we could do

… well then pick one of them and let’s go. No? Am I going to have to lead you by the hand? *sigh* Christ.

Me: I’m sure there are other places that are open

Guy: Any ideas?

Good fucking God, REALLY? Why is thinking of a restaurant so hard to do? WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO DO?

Me: I trust you

Guy: What do you mean?

Guy: Unless you’d like to come over

Me: There are places on downtown Main Street in Ventura that are open.

Me: I meant I trust you to figure out that there are other places that are open, and choose one



Niki Marinis

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever