Cupid Tinder Match: DoorDash Don’t

Reporting live from the murder scene of your dating hopes and dreams

Niki Marinis
2 min readJun 24, 2020


Author’s artwork

Guy on OKC: Are you interested in meeting or not?

Guy one minute later: ok…your place or mine? lol….we dont have to have sex

Guy five minutes later: its too much work with you…you dont want to text, you dont want to meet…this is 2020…no wonder youre single…good luck

“You don’t want to use punctuation, you don’t want to have patience… This is 2020. No wonder you’re single. Fuck off.”

I’m fine with anyone looking for casual sex. Go Team, if you’re down. But don’t shame someone for not wanting that.

This guy is butt-hurt I wasn’t super easy and didn’t deliver myself to his house to service him. Boo fucking hoo.

Oh, and another “we don’t have to have sex” ruse. Fuck right off with that shit, too.

“You’re not instantly responding to me with desperation for this dick.It’s almost as if you have a full life and aren’t sitting on a dating app hanging on my every word, waiting for me to validate your existence and worth, and I’m just not down with that. Peace.”

It’s almost as if people look at dating apps as sex vending machines and it keeps spitting their dollar back out at them.

So they smooth it out and try it again, but the machine just isn’t taking it. So they try some quarters and those are just coming back in the coin return.

Goddamn! He’s putting his money in! Why won’t this machine give him what he wants! IT’S RIGHT THERE!

If dating and finding The One was easy we’d all have one. Just be thankful they keep weeding themselves out. There’s a prize winning rose in this endless field of dandelions, right?



Niki Marinis is back on the dating circuit. Yay. Follow her adventures on Twitter and Instagram, and sign up for her newsletter here.



Niki Marinis

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever