Cupid Tinder Match: Direct Deposit
Reporting live from the murder scene of your dating hopes and dreams
Guy on Tinder: What’s up?
Me: Not much. You?
Guy: Just working.
Guy: How’s your day going?
Me: Not too bad
Guy: That’s good.
I’M SO BORED. YOU’RE BORING ME. STOP BEING BORING.
Guy: I notice on your profile it says you like to go to dive bars.
Guy: You ever go to Whiskey Richard’s?
WHY DIDN’T YOU START WITH THIS?!
Me: I’ve walked by it but I’ve never been in.
Guy: It’s pretty cool. One of my favorite bars in town.
Me: I’ve put in a lot of time at Red Cove and San Souci.
Guy: Never been
Me: They’re the dive-iest of the dives
Guy: Maybe you can show ’em to me one of these days.
That’s not how you ask someone on a date.
“We should hang out sometime.”
“Maybe you could show me around.”
“We should meet up.”
None of those are asking someone on a date. That’s a pansy-ass way of trying to soften potential rejection. We don’t know each other so what are you afraid of?
ASK ME OUT ON A DATE YOU FUCKING PANSY.
You know what’s attractive? Confidence.
You know what’s not attractive? Being afraid.
You know what’s confident?
“Would you like to grab a drink Friday night at Ventiki at 8?”
You know what’s not confident?
“Maybe we could get together sometime.”
Knock it the fuck off already.
ASK WOMEN ON DATES.
JUST DO IT. #BoJackson
‘Cuz I’m not asking you out. Men who are truly interested in women will ask them on dates. Men who are lazy and bored and don’t care will take anything a woman has to offer.
You don’t have to wonder if a guy who is asking you out, texting you, calling you, planning dates with you is interested in you. But if you’re doing all the asking and texting and planning you don’t know if they actually like you or are only saying yes because you offered.
If he’s not asking you out, he’s not interested.
He’s not shy, he’s not unsure if you like him back, he’s not interested.
Live your life, make it fabulous, be your best self, and pay attention to the men paying attention to YOU. The happier and more satisfied you are with yourself and your life, the better suited, more high quality partners you’ll attract.
Stop trying so damn hard, everyone.
If you need more dating advice, for the love of God, read these immediately!