Attachment vs. Connection

Unhealthy attachment will kill promising connection every time

Niki Marinis
6 min readAug 1, 2022


Katie Dutch — used with permission

We’ve all met someone we felt an instant connection with. Like you’d known each other a lifetime. Things just flow. You might even feel like you knew them in another life.

I hear more stories than I can count where women feel a deep connection, it fizzles, he disappears, or things just don’t work out.

When this happens women struggle to let go. Sometimes months and even years go by, and they’re still holding on to the connection they felt.

Let me tell you how long I was hung up on the long-haired musician I was in love with in high school. Seven years. Girl, I had issues.

If you’re struggling to let go as I did, it isn’t connection. It’s attachment. And it’s your attachment that likely smothered and snuffed out this once budding connection.

Connection comes from the heart. Attachment comes from the mind. You attach through your thoughts, you connect through the heart.

Attachment takes us out of the moment

When you find yourself obsessed with thoughts of the past or the future when it comes to your relationships, you’re attached.

You’re struggling to let go because you’ve chained your thoughts to the past and how good it was. The connection is gone and you’re longing for it because you feel its absence so deeply.

If you’re expecting something permanent and final in your life, like an end goal of marriage, family, or the perfect career, you’re future-focused. The feeling your life won’t be complete until this certain something happens is living for something that isn’t here yet.

You can’t live like that, man. The future isn’t real. And we all know nothing is permanent. Divorce is a thing, death is legit, layoffs happen. Right here, right now is all you have.

You’re short-changing yourself happiness if you’re waiting for everything to be locked in and perfect before you’ll allow yourself to have any. You’re chasing shadows. Good luck, Peter Pan!

When getting married or finding that one soulmate becomes a deep need for you, your focus goes to that end…



Niki Marinis

Weird Girl, thrift store owl collector, heartbreaker, lush, aspiring adult. IG: DocJohnnyFever