Oh, hi! Notes From a Tourist Town

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Image by Alisha Hicks. Topa Topa Mountains from Ojai Meadow Preserve. Used with permission.

Ahh, the smell of patchouli and dirt in the afternoon.

Overpriced organic food, hippies and tourists. Just another day at Rainbow Bridge in my hometown of Ojai, CA. These people loudly waxing on about detoxing and naturopaths, acupuncture and energy healing. And oh yes, the drum circles. Let’s never forget those.

The people watching here is unparalleled. This is why I put myself through the torture of coming down here for vastly overpriced organic, gluten free, nitro cold brewed coffee and a locally sourced, free range egg salad sandwich.

I’ll take underdeveloped Polaroids of you and tell you I’m reading your aura for $25 a pop. Come on down! I’ll align your chakras and clear your energy blocks, sure. Drink water out of this blue glass bottle that you leave in the sun so the energy from the rays amp up the molecular structure of the water thus elevating your vibration and your connectedness to the universe.

Oh man, that sounds great, and I just pulled that out of my ass. (Copy write) The Placebo Effect is alive and well. If it feels good, and does no harm to others, then do it and do it all day long. And pay me a fortune to sell it to you.

By the sound of it, I really need to invent some kind of magical elixir, or start an energy healing tarot card business. The people shilling that kind of thing are making a killing, hands down. I’m all for anyone seeking out anything that makes them feel happier and healthier, at peace, at ease, enlightened. But you gotta know you’re being taken for a ride, man. C’mon.

Your organs detox your blood all day. That’s their job. You know how you detox your body? Eat better food. Organic isn’t better, it’s just more expensive. It does more for your ego, sense of pride and self image than it does your body. You think organic farmers don’t use pesticides? Oh, but they’re organic pesticides. Right, right.

I mean, buy organic all day long but know you’re being taken for a ride. And know that I’m planning my own all natural, pure aura, organic, locally sourced, divinely inspired, chakra aligned, gluten free, non-GMO, free range energy healing tarot card readings, and enlightening manifestation tincture business and I’m gonna make bank.

I thank you all for your business in advance.

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