Nothing kills your confidence quicker than the Powers That Be working against you to turn everything to shit and it all being beyond your control.
Or are they?
Ah phooey. I believe our confidence, expectations and end results are 99% our own doing.
There are five common pain in the ass notions you need to do away with before they kill any chance you have of building your own infallible confidence empire.
I know, it can seem like you’re never going to surmount the Mt. Kilimanjaro of self-consciousness and self-loathing, but if I can do it, so can you.
It’s high time we break those chains that bind.
We’ve all got someone looking over our shoulder who doesn’t believe in what we’re doing. Someone who tells us who we are is never going to grant us the much needed acceptance we “must have” in order to be somebody in this world.
Maybe it’s your boss. Maybe it’s your friends. Maybe it’s that loser guy you’re sharing a world with he doesn’t deserve to be in.
Let me ask you something. What the hell do they know and from where are these people getting their immaculate branding and brainwashing powers?
They’re nobody, that’s who. And they have no right to tell you that you can’t be who you want to be.
If you’re one of the many unfortunate ones who are pouring this bullshit down your own neck tubes, stop it. Stop it right now. Kick that voice in the throat and shut it up once and for all.
The need for external validation
When we buy into other people’s naysayer bullshit, we’re letting them take the wheel and steer us into a ditch. We’re giving other people all the power we don’t realize we’re taking away from ourselves, and it’s impossible to feel worthy, secure and confident when we give others our reins.
What drives the need for external validation? A lack of love for ourselves and a fear of what we’re actually capable of.
It’s difficult to be your own person when you don’t take risks. The fear can be paralyzing and render you co-dependent on the approval of others.
To resign your own power is to remain imprisoned in a self-defeating dungeon of hell with the trapdoor and eject button one dangerous click away.
Take a step back and breathe. They don’t own you. Give them their pink slip and get back in the driver’s seat. It’s time to take charge.
I guarantee we hate ourselves more than our worst enemies. And as a general rule, we are our own worst enemy because we can see things others don’t.
We don’t want to believe in ourselves and bring about our own force of positivity and accomplishment because it’s easier to sit here and marinate in past failures, regrets and mistakes.
It’s easier to believe in the bad stuff when the good stuff is being shrouded by our own unsubstantiated notions of failure.
We wrap ourselves in the blanket of self-hate because the world and everything in it that stinks tells us we should. There’s comfort in being miserable to those who don’t want to change. It all starts with you.
Negative past relationships
We’ve all gotten involved with people who are absolute shits. We wish we’d take the long detour and missed the boat instead of sticking around and having to live through the misery.
All that’s left are the ruins among the ashes, and we feel we’re destined to never love or trust anyone again. We feel we’ll never again allow ourselves to open up to anyone and we’re going to keep blaming the next guy because he just happens to be there to assume the guilt of this whole mess.
That’s not the way it is. The new guy isn’t your first love circa 1995 in the meat grinder, nor is he destined to be that future tool bag husband who’s going to cheat on you and treat you like a pile.
Wipe the slate clean and leave the past in the past. No more anger anchors. Let it go and rise above it.
Misinterpreted and flawed choices
We really, really like this person and we don’t care how wrong they are for us. Because in the long run we trust they’ll do the right thing even when we know, in a million fucking years, they won’t.
“If I just do this one thing perfectly, this person who doesn’t even want me that much is going to stay and love me forever.”
“I know deep down this person is good and forthright, even though they didn’t come home for two days and lied unflinchingly about where they’ve been and why.”
“If I ignore this huge red flag the problem will just go away and POOF! Everything will work out perfectly just the way I want it to.”
And when all these things turn out the way we know they will but deny, ignore and sweep under the rug, we’re walking the 500 foot tightrope of crushing defeat without a safety net.
We build it up and watch it fall, and we’re ultimately the ones who suffer.
Start listening to your gut. It’s there screaming at you from a place that has your best interests at heart.
I know, I know, it’s all easier said than done, and you might be thinking you can’t do it. I’m here to tell you that you can. As soon as you make that life changing decision. That’s all it takes.
Confidence building is always a work in progress and some days will undoubtedly be better than others. The main thing you can do right now is believe. Not in any more of the dream killing bullshit, but in the things that seem too beautiful to be possible. They aren’t impossible. They’re alive and well, waiting for you to embrace them.
You can do it.
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